Records of a fat girl

Bullshit?

2006-03-28T02:19:41Z

Well, if you've come to hear some more bullshit I always have some to offer.

First off fear.
Oh yeah that's a good subject. Recently some people have been accusing me of being afraid. What deeply intelligent ploy. Insult the girl to get a picture. Very nice. Too bad it won't work. I know fear. I know it very well and having someone jack-off to my picture is not one of my fears. It's more of a personal taste. The problems I have with being taken seriously make me less then inclined to show myself off in a sexual manner.Mostly, I like to control who knows what I look like. Call me picky but idiots who demand my picture apon meeting me is like an insult to me. This is as far as I know the internet where one can meet and speak to people without the hang-up of looks getting in the way. A magical place where you can have total control over who you meet and how much you want to share with someone.

Second of all.
My opinions are just that mine. If you disagree with my point of view then more power to you. I don't mind others opinions unless they are forced on me.
If you don't want to hear what I have to say then don't ask. Simple no?
Guess not cause people keep asking and get angry when I don't fall over and agree.
Since this is my blog and freedom of speech is my right. I can say anything I damn well please here right? Wrong. I do my very best to offer an idea that I want to have multiple opinions to hence the post comment option.

Thirdly.
Again people deem themselves better able to make decisions in my life then I am. I'm not speaking of advice I ask for which I appreciate greatly. I'm talking about people who talk to me in the hopes that I will magically agree that what's best for me is what they want. I'm a mean bithc like that. I'll contradict every time. I'll make it my personal mission in life to screw these people over just to prove that if I do anything is because I want to and no ammount of guilt or goading or threats will change that.

Aside from these three things it's pretty much the same shit. University is a robot factory that is striving to create a league of robots with no opinions which sad to say I am not. I've taken a quick peek at my file and I'm glad to say I'm branded as a subversive element with an attitude problem and not enough politically correct ideas. I'm all for diversity. Hell, I'm part of a minority. [for those of you who do not know I am japanese] but I don't think it's right to use that to get advantage over someone else. That is called racism people. It's not whites acting out and going against other etnicities. It's about using your heritage to opress others and that is sickening to me. I see it all the time. I see black people making fun and treating whites just like they were treated not so long ago. I see asians acting like they are smarter then everyone else. Not just racism. Sexism. I see women acting just like they were loathe to be treated. Which makes me think that now the minority has shifted and white men are the most opressed group of people in todays world. But then I get these bullshit arguments that white men were the biggest antagonist in the world. Okay granted white men have done a lot but those men are either dead or no longer in any position of power. Is it right to make them all pay for the crimes of the few? If that's true then I have to pay for what my people did during world war two. Even though I do not have ancestors who were in the japanese military at that time. The simple fact that I'm japanese is enough right? If you think this is unfair give me a hell yeah. These double standards are really starting to annoy the hell out of me. I am a person. No better or worse then anyone else no matter the color of their skin or their gender. Would it be so hard to all be treated as people rather then sexes and colors? Would it be so hard to just accept that ones birth is not enough reason to hold judgement over their souls? Of course this is a pipe dream because someone will always feel like they are being opressed whether they are or not. Which brings me to feederism. We face the same problems all over just in a more condensed form. If we outlawed everything that people didn't like then there would be noting left. Someone will always be offendedby something. It's our right to be offended by anything. The problem we face is our right to express it is being limited. I don't care if a million people speak out against feederism. It's their right to not like it but it's our right to do it if we feel like it. Then again if a bunch of thin activist showed up on my door step and started chanting and waving signs I wouldn't much like it but then I would get a perfect chance to use a fire hose and be totally justified. If we want freedom then we had better be ready to defend it. If I want to be a stick then that's what I'll be. If I want to be a fat blob then no one can make me stop. They can voice their opinion but they had better not expect that I'll just bend over and say yes your right. I'll argue my point till I'm blue in the face and still do what ever the hell I want.

For the record this is not anti-political bullshit. This is just my own personal observations and opinions. If this or anything I say offends you then tough cookies.

WTF!!?

2006-03-09T10:13:57Z

Okay. I am seriously steamed!

Want to know why?
http://www.feedmovie.com/feed.php?uid=

After seeing what's in this link you'll understand.
So, feeders are psychotic murderers only intent on killing their partners.
I want to know what the hell is wrong with these people!
Also all FA's are feeders automatically or so the movie would have people believe.
I can so see how this will affect the feederism community.
Like we already don't have enough problems being accepted by society now we have this crap.
Like the fact of prefering fat girls and or getting erotic pleasure from eating or being fed is some sort of mental illness.
Must we all be anorexic supermodels?
Must we fit into the mold society makes for us?
Why is it such a crime to be different?
This portrayal of feederism is an insult.

I am so mad about this right now.

We already have so much trouble admiting to ourselves that we are feedees or feeders or even FA's. This is going to force those of us who are still dealing with it to go into hiding again. Personally. I will feel like I have to hide my love of food and of my size now so I will not be branded a potential murder victim for some psycho.
After all the weight acceptance efforts and information sites about all of this. This is what it comes down too...
We are mentally disturbed individuals with serious mental illnesses that either crave murder or suicide...
Then again this lifestyle is so much more dangerous then oh, say drug abuse, Organized crime.
Feederism is a much more important issue then education and welfare.
Of course being fat or getting fat is a crime against humanity.
Just when we are so close to being open about who we are and how we feel and be proud this happens to crush us and label us and makes feel bad about it.
Personally I will recover but what about the girl who enjoys the idea but sees that movie? How will that make her feel about herself then? Or the guy who already feels bad about his tendencies towards feederism?
I know not all people will take it that way but it's still not fair.
For those that will believe this movie portrays who they might be will ruin their lives.
If anyone has a rant of their own or comments on this I'd be more then happy to hear about it.

So tired...

2005-12-21T01:08:53Z

It's been a while since I've written anything on here so, here goes...
I've been layed out for a month from illness.
Most of that time was spent reading and drawing and most of all wallowing in self-pity.
Such fun.
Aside from that unpleasantness, everything is peachy.
The holidays are apon us... whatever that means. Eight years in the east and I still don't get this celebration.
People say it's about love and sharing but, all I see is bribes and masks for people you don't even pretend to like the rest of the time.
Seems like a big waste to me.
I'll just stay home and do what I do best.
Not a damn thing and probably sleep till new year.
For you feeders out there.
Thanks to my illness and it's obvious result of my lack of any appetite I,ve lost twenty pounds. Yippie!
In reality, I don't really care anymore.
It's become more trouble then it's worth.
This feedee station is now closed till I decide otherwise if I decide otherwise.
It seems all I ever do on this blog is bitch and be as depressing as humanly possible. I don't even know why I bother with it. It's not like anything constructive comes from it.
Besides, it's not like anyone actually reads any of this anyway so, I'm basically just writing this to myself and I already know how I feel.

Once again.

2005-10-30T02:18:21Z

So. once again it is update time.
Same old thing, new day really.
It's funny how numb a person can be one minute and how a single word can send that person into a blinding rage.
Right now that person is me.
Seems I am not taking my being betrayed with good enough humor for some people.
Everyone expects me to be all nice and good natured about this.
I wonder who is truly insane now.
Should I just forgive and forget?
Easier said then done if you ask me.

In other news. My book is going alright. All this pointless drama and bitching is heaven for creative writing.
I'm getting new reading material soon which should keep me occupied for a few days and less bitchy.

As for my weight and eating habits. I spent the last three days eating raviolli almost non-stop.
Amazing how some people think even now that this is a good thing. I haven't been eating for comfort or any such reason.
Just out of pure boredom and numbness at least when I'm full, I feel something .
Even if it's just sick.
Sometimes I feel like no one understands a single word of what I say.
Seriously, it's like nothing gets through and I'm just talking to myself.

Anyway, nothing matters much right now.

Been a little while

2005-10-22T06:10:05Z

I've been sick for the past couple of days.
Not much new there.
No new rant save the fact that no one can be trusted ever!
I've been seeing this person on and off for a while now and all of a sudden I get dumped with this bullshit about her dating her ex behind my back and seeing everyone snickering around me cause she didn't have the guts to tell me.
Gods! I was sleeping with this girl and she never even told me about the guy she was seeing on the side.
I could have gotten a disease or something and wondered where and how and feared giving it to her only to find out she's the one who made me sick for christ sakes.
Luckily that did not happen but, it could have!
I felt like such an idiot. Trusting her and ignoring the signs all this time.
Sometimes I wonder if I don't bring this shit on myself.
She had the gall to tell me she was scared and that is why she lied to me and kept it from me.
What the fuck?
Screw around with someone life and emotions and then shatter it all in a single blow because any stranger is easier to talk to about this then the one you supposedly care about.
Now I'm expected to feel sorry for her and forgive her...
I'm bitter and angry so, she is going to pay and she's going to see what it means to truly feel bad about something.

In other news, I just got some new movies which I love. Unleashed which I think is the best description of modern domination so far. The Kingdom Of Heaven which was so cool, I watched it four time in a row and Ong-Bak The Muay Thai Warrior which is also cool since he reminds me of Bruce Lee a lot.

Laugh or cry?

2005-10-14T18:07:31Z

Well, this is ironic...
I'm somewhat of a sci-fi geek and just got season eight of Stargate SG-1 and it amazes me how much more I care about those fictional characters then I do actual people.
Heh... I was crying when Sam lost her dad and when Daniel Jackson dies too yet, I never shed a tear for my own mother. Freaky.
I wonder if there is just something wrong with me.
I don't seem to care at all. Might as well been a complete stranger to me.
Anyway, enough about that.
In other news it's been pretty slow for me. Taking it easy and just letting life pass me by as usual cause, I don't really up to do anything right now.
It's not even laziness just that I don't see why I should do anything.
Everything seems to be too much trouble for little or no compensation.
For now, I guess, I'll just sit back and relax and see what happens.
This feeling usually passes after a few weeks.
No rants today since it doesn't seem like the effort is worth it
Plus, I have no questions to rant about so far.

News

2005-10-11T19:51:54Z

Well, I got some news.
Went to my mothers funeral yesterday got home really late and just sat there staring at the blank screen of my computer for a few hours.
I don't really know how to feel about this.
I should be miserable but really I just feel like it's better her then me.
I've suffered under that woman for years and it's very hard for me to feel bad about her passing.

In other news I finally found what I want when I looked at a BBW pin-up named Tami.
When I saw her I immidiatly thought this is what I want.
Good for me since, I was wondering where I was going with all this.
Still no feeder for me yet not because I didn't get any offers but, because most aren't serious about it or are to far away to do anything about it.
As fun as self-fattening is, I'd like to have someone to help me out but, I'm a very fickle and picky girl about this and can't settle on just anyone.
Just like in anything else, I'm a perfectionist so, I keep looking.
There are however a few candidates that I'm waiting to see what happens with them.
Ever since my series of rants about treating me like an object, things have been going alright.
I'm an intellectual at heart and love to have intelligent conversation with people so, it bores me to speak of only the fetish.
I guess, I'm just being complicated as usual but, better be pissed then bored right?

Meh

2005-10-08T19:51:04Z

Very confused today.
I got to school before I realised it was saterday...
Note to self: Quit drinking!
Like that ever works anyway.
Funny how I say that every time I have a hangover yet I still do it.
I seem to be arguing with everyone lately about every little point.
Whether it be politics, music, even argued with someone about nuclear power.
Safe source of power my ass!
Well my little problem has creeped up on me again which is a bitch for those of you who know what I'm talking about. For those who don't well, it doesn't matter. It'll be a week or two before it gets better till then I have to suffer it.
Aside from that everything is peachy. No really, it's true!

Anorexia bad?

2005-10-07T00:19:36Z

Yes my lovable fans it's rant time once again.
Todays topic is anorexia. Good or bad?
I'd like you guys to comment on this and tell me what you think about this fascinating quirk.
I'll keep this rant short cause I don't want to spoil it for everyone but, I'd really like opinions on this.

Ego!

2005-10-06T20:03:50Z

Oh this is rich. The ego on some people, having the courage to tell ME what I should do with MY body. I don't know whether to laugh or rant at the moment so, I'm going to do both. This is just like the times when people only care about me because I fit in to their little fetishes but when I do something for msyelf that is not in accord with that it's bad Cat! Bad!!!!! Well screw you. I'll endanger my own health any way I choose! If I feel like jumping off a high bridge, I will and no one person can tell me not too. My life, my rules, my buisness. If people cannot agree with this then you don't need to waste your time befriending me cause it won't change my mind one bit. I'm very tired of being told what I should and shouldn't do especially for people only out to serve themselves and only looking out for their interests. Well it's time I did the same. I'm looking out for number one. Me! Those who share my interests are always welcome the rest can rot. There now see what your careful manipulations and guilt trips have wrought? Now it's time to live with what you created and smile got it?

Update wee!

2005-10-05T20:14:45Z

This post is really just to prove I'm still alive, mostly to myself.
These damn papers due next week are really busting my chops.
The subjects are easy for me but writing my ideas out in a meaningful fashion is like trying to kill a fly with a bazooka. I have too many ideas at once and they mix together and when it gets on paper it makes only sense to me and a few experts at code cracking. Just have to relax but, it's not that easy with all the little distractions all around me. It seems like the phone never stops ringing. Every single time I'm about to have the inspiration of a lifetime... bang! It rings and blows it all to dust. Good thing this is only a term paper and not me whithin reach of solving the problems of the world cause then everyone would be screwed not just me.
Another note
All this recent stress and agravation may have been the reason for my relapse into smoking.
Yes, yes bad smoking bad!
So, is a lot of things I do and I still do them.
Like gaining weight on purpose is healthy by any means.
Anyway, my brother is acting like he's better then everyone all of a sudden cause he got laid. Good for you buddy but I beat you too it since I did it first:P
He hates anbd resents the fact that I do things before him and that I am smarter then he is.
Oh but he does lord over me the fact that he has a job and I don't. Real smart lad, since he knows I am physically unable to do most jobs and I have school almost full time unlike him.
If someone wants a little brother I'll be happy to sell him to you.
Finaly got some sleep after my brothers harpies left...god those girls were annoying. Like banshees in heat, they never stopped screeching and runnning around you'd have thought it was a daycare in my house.
One of them even had the gall to ask me if they had woken me.
I of course answered in my usual witty yet biting fashion with: Nooooooo! Of course not! Are you kidding!? I always sleep an hour a night! Don't you?
After that I ran out of kind words and just gave her a very mean look and the finger with a motion of get the fuck away from the angry, twice as heavy as you goth chick. Of course this lead to not so quiet slander seemingly behind my back but, it's a small house and I heard every word but the look of utter terror when I walked past was revenge enough for that.
Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later, my friends are now on my back about my uncontrolled weight once more.
Seems the words leave me alone and mind your own buisness don't work or they can't hear me over the sound of their own self-importance.
Like this one girlfriend of mine with her helpful advice on the matter.
In her mind I should do like her and not anything that remotly has a shadow. ( She's a vegan). Fact: Humans are omnivorous, made that way, willpower has no say in it no matter what. Humans who refuse to eat meat end up having severe problems with their immune system and a lack of healhty fat to protect them a) from injury and b)from the wheather. Not to mention the iron deficiency.
So, decisions decisions, eat limp vegetables for the rest of my life and be skinny and so fragile to disease and injury that I can never do anything I want or eat whatever the hell I want and be happy. Seriously the choice is so hard. To show the choice I made I ate a big juicy steak right in front of her and enjoyed every bite as I saw her try not to look utterly disgusted.
I have this thing about hypocrites. Don't eat meat cause the poor animals had to die! Yeah so, it's okay to kill off millions of plants to feed you cause they do not scream when they die. That makes so much more sense. The simple fact of life is every single lifeform profits from the death of another whether it be human, animal or vegetal. I say go with how you were made and not bother trying to be something you are not.
This ends my little rant session for the day.
Peace and don't forget... JESUS LOVES YOU!

Sleepless in who cares where.

2005-10-04T16:59:35Z

I've been awake since four this morning, went to bed around three...
Noisy houseguests!
Now I know why people commit suicide... who wants to live that early in the morning anyway?
So, tired... but, at least I get to have headstart on my report.
I never liked those. I could talk someones ear off with this stuff but when I get in front of a piece of paper my mind is a blank.
Might as well be a cheerleader.
I hereby apologize for all you cheerleaders out there, it is an unfair generalization to think that all of you are airheads but,
You never liked me in highschool so screw you.
Gah mornings.... I'd like to find the person who decided the greeting would be good morning. What's so great about it? Birds make noise, light hurts my eyes, I'd shoot myself but I can't aim that well when I've just woken up.
Even now I'm not fully awake.
On the plus sign I got to see what all the fuss was about with sunrises.
Meh, looks like a reverse sunset to me.
I can't believe people actually get up to watch these things.
And I thought I was insane.

Update woot!

2005-10-04T01:59:17Z

You guessed it, another update!
The last two days have been great!
Seriously none of that unpleasant buisness to deal with which is good cause it was really driving me up the wall.
Hm. What else? Oh yeah, met some good people which I like a lot. =^_^=
Other then that it's buisness as usual. Keeping my belly full and trying to keep up with my journal and my schoolwork.
That isn't going so bad since most of the subjects I already know and those I don't I can bluff my way out of. >.>
I know, I know but meh I'm smart but not all knowing... YET!
Ever seen a fat goth girl giddy?
It's scary. >.>
Anywho, so far no more ranting for a while. Not very good for my diet. :P
I tend to starve when I'm angry. The appetite just vanishes, not a good thing but it is good fuel for ranting though.
Important news!
I seem to be wearing skirts and dresses more now then before. >.>
Less thigh rubbing wear out incidents that way. I go through a pair of jeans in a month just from that!
Anyway, enough about that lol
I think that's pretty much it for now but, keep reading I feel another rant forming now. >.>

Calm after the storm

2005-10-02T05:36:40Z

Took a minute to calm down. I'm stil pretty pissed but, I guess I can't blame them. I mean why else would they even talk to me besides the fact that they want to know about this right?

Maybe I'm just fooling myself in thinking there is more to me then my weight.
So few even care to ask my name before going off on what they want and expect.
For now I'll just let it be and see but, that doesn't mean I'll let myself be torn to pieces by a pack of ravenous wolves who see me as lunch.
I know this is a somewhat sexual fetish but, I'd have hoped to find a bit more decency and understanding. I've been dieting since I was twelve years old and always had trouble with my weight and so far ever since I started this journal and put my profile up it seems just as bad if not worse then when I was ordered to lose weight and tried to fit into the model of beauty that was put before me. It's not any different at all. Just the other end of the spectrum. Guys are still just interested in my body and not my mind and I'm tired of it.
I'm thinking about retracting my profile and going at it alone like I was before. Sure it got boring sometimes and I was depressed but at least it was fun for me most of the time and I was never angry about it and never felt I should stop. Now I do all the time. It's just not worth it.
I might come up with some brilliant insight to change my mind but right now, I just want some peace to think things through. This is a lot harder then I imagined it would be. I'm not used to being the object of worship and adoration if you can call it that. Looks more like harassment and stalking to me but what do I know? What I'm trying to say is that I'm not sure how to deal with all this now.
Being popular is not all it's made up to be and I'd give anything to not be. I'm just me. The same me I was before jsut now I've learned to accept who I am entirely and not many seem to understand that or even want to know about it.
Most of the morons I speak of aren't really bad guys just misguided and too eager. I think it's just me who is too sensitive about it and I don't have the right tools to deal with it in a grown-up fashion so, I just rant and make a bitch out of myself.
Some friends have been a real inspiration though and show me that it can't be all bad and that'sthe only reason I'm still trying to fit into this thing or I would have given up already. Thanks guys.
I'm really confused right now about what I want for myself and what I want to give so, maybe that's another reason why I have so much trouble adjusting.
Like Zed always says: Nothing is ever easy.
It's true and things that are worth doing are the hardest of all
I wish there was some clear cut easy answer to all of this but, if there is, I can't see it.
Maybe it's just too many in one day or one day too many, I'm not sure but hell what else do I have to do right?
Maybe I'm just being too emotional about this and over-thinking like I usually do.
The only thing that makes sense now is to think about it some more and try and wrap my mind around this problem and work through it.
We'll just have to see what I come up with.

Grah!

2005-10-02T04:58:45Z

Again! It never ends!
That's it! The last straw!

Here you go!
I weigh 281 pounds!
I'm 5'6''!
I got 32c breasts!
40 inch waist!
the next person who even asks will get a sound asskicking!
I sware!

I'm going insane I sware it never stops. Where ever these idiots come from they never run out! I can't even enjoy the time I spend chating with the people I actually like anymore. My time is spent getting morons off my back.
I'm starting to regret posting anywhere about this. Dieting was never this bad even though I was starving to death at least I didn't have these asshatsall over me every single moment I'm online.

If anyone wants to help send me a gun and plenty of ammo with a list of their adresses so I can remedy the problem of overpopulation of the world.

Decisions decisions...

2005-10-02T04:37:32Z

recently some people have been asking me to join communities and groups and I'm not really sure I should. I already have trouble staying on top as it is. I even snapped under the pressure. I'm not sure I'm ready for more right now but, I'm still thinking about it. Heh, I have a taste for self-punishment I guess anyway, I won't be making the same mistake twice that's for sure. I'll see where things go for now and decide whether I wasn to "expand my horizons" or just stick to what I have now.

Gah!

2005-10-01T22:41:41Z

I'm so restless! I've spent all day editing anything and everything I can get my hands on and I'm still not satisfied guh.

Anyway, I'm feeling a lot better now that I've ranted and screamed at things so, no worries.

On to new buisness. I know what you guys are waiting for. :P
Thinking it's about time for new clothes again these jeans are getting to be an experience in pain every time I wear them.
Been getting a lot of encouragement lately which is all good. I just wish I could avoid the village idiots everywhere.
Sometimes I think I give off some kind of feel or pheromones that attracts assholes but hey so far I've been told it was normal and that every other girl who has done this sort of thing has been bombarded just like me so, if they could take it so can I.

All in all, life is pretty boring right now and I don't mind. Gives me a break from having to deal with everything until I get something to eat and rest my fingers from all this typing I seem to be doing non-stop.

Hopes

2005-10-01T07:55:45Z

Okay this is irritating me to no end. I'm so tired of being reduced to a set of mesurements. I'm serious the next person who even tries it will get an ear piercing screech and a sound blocking. I mean it. I AM A PERSON! Dammit. I should have known this would only cause me headaches. It was a mistake to even try. Okay some are trying to make good impressions but for christ sakes wait till you know me before making plans for me and telling me you want to admire me. How do these people know if they will even get along with me or if I'm even their type? I have no clue but this is getting creepy. I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP! Hopefully that message will get through if not then I'll have to start sending out letter bombs or something.

p.s This does not apply to everyone. Those of you that realy made an effort to get to know the real me and you know who you guys are. I'm really grateful and I appreciate all your help and support it's just the real menaces I'm pointing fingers at.

Depression sets in...

2005-10-01T06:53:10Z

Feeling very depressed at the moment and I can't figure out why... It happens from time to time and I can't really help. It just seems like nothing goes right and that no matter how hard I try I'm stuck. It's times like these I see just how pointless everything is and wonder why do I even try. I guess, being stubborn is the only reason, the only one that makes sense to me so far. I wish it would just all end already so, I can get some rest and not have ot think about it for a while. I guess it is true that ignorance is bliss. I do tend to overthink everything little thing and maybe that's why I'm so depressed. I don't know but I would sure give a lot too. Ironic really the more I know the more depressed i get yet I want to know why. Isn't that the funniest joke ever?

Somewhat disturbing

2005-09-30T22:43:10Z

I've been reading these articles about gavage (french for force feeding) and how far it can go. Frankly I don't know whether I should be sick or go and get something to eat. I'm weird like that but, my feminist sense tells me I should be outraged, sure it's a custom and all but it's just as bad as making young girl diet and starve to look like supermodels. I don't see much different only two sides of the spectrum that have the same mentality just different ways of putting it. Oh well, I guess I'm just trying to create contraversy or something but this is the kind of stuff that puts me off the feeder/feedee relationship. I mean the extremes are too extreme. Wish there wasa middle ground somewhere where everyone would be happy but then again no one was ever happy being in the middle of two sides.

Question and or rant

2005-09-30T08:30:14Z

Now that I know people will actually read this stuff, might as well post something intelligent. So far in my exploration of the feederism world, I've come across a lot of people who seem to treat me like a toy to play with and use whenever they please. I don't know if it's normal but it really pisses me off for some reason. It's like they don't even care who I am or what I want as long as they get what they want. Reminds me of all the guys and girls I've ever met or seen that want the skinny good looking type. Who cares if she has a mind as long as she has the right figure. I don't know about anyone else but I was expecting something else. Call me an optimist but I was hoping for some understanding maybe? or who knows people that would take me seriously and want to know me because I'm different and I think about things in a different light then most people because of this. Guess my expectations were to high. Anyway if anyone that reads this has an opinion or a rant feel free to post I,d love to hear about it and see if I'm right or if it's just me that's not seeing things straight.

On a lighter note life is going by pretty slow which I don't mind. I've always prefered boredom. Call me weird if you must but it seems that whenever something happens it has to be bad so, I've come to enjoy the moments where not a thing happens in my life.

That's pretty much it for now, unless I come up with more shit to post about that is. =^_^=

Eep!

2005-09-30T07:12:30Z

Made a new profile. I'm keeping my fingers crossed on this one and hope to get some peoples comments soon.

First of many

2005-09-30T07:02:51Z

Well, here goes nothing. This is the start of my journal in which I'll be, hopefully adding a lot of posts.